The ultimate result of all ambition is to be happy at home – Samuel Johnson
After months of internal turmoil, introspection and sadness that lead to days, okay weeks, of Netflix binging I read these words that made me realize just how foolish I was being. It’s amazing how quickly something can change your perspective.
To be happy at home… I had been struggling with coming to terms with my new reality. I spent my life believing that if I just figured out that one thing… things would be better. The last couple years that one thing was my health and why I was feeling so much worse. After tons of research, doctors visits and tests I had my answers. I had hEDS and MCAS and all the complexities that come with it added to my long list of medical diagnosis. Now I had to come to terms with a new reality.
At first I was thrilled to have answers. I was relieved to have a name for it all. Everything made sense now. I was excited to find out I was not alone. It was nice to feel understood. I thought now that I know I can fix it.
Then I realized, there is no fixing it. The best I could do was learn how to manage it. There is no cure. There is only learning to live with it all.
You could say depression set in. I lost all motivation. I became very disorganized and to be honest I didn’t care. Why do today what I can put off until tomorrow became my motto. Why not put it off, I had nowhere to be, nothing was important. I couldn’t bring myself to get anything done. I was living in sadness. Sadness for what I thought, I was losing in myself, my career and the life I had worked so hard for. My focus was on what I was losing. All I could think about was how I had become a burden because I wasn’t able to contribute financially and my illness was limiting my abilities to do even basic tasks around the house now.
Then I read the above words and my paradigm shifted. All the things we do is for HOME! We go to work to have a home. We have children to fill our home with purpose and joy. We do what we do… to be happy at home.
But then we are never home. We run to work, meetings, appointments. We are never home. Even when we are physically at home we are often not emotionally or spiritually. Then when what we are ultimately working so hard for is thrown upon us unexpectedly, we become ill or lose a job, and we are forced to be home we are saddened. We are sad because we have forgotten that the ultimate ambition wasn’t the distractions to the goal but the goal itself… to be happy at home!
Life is a paradox. Is it time to reframe our perspective? It is was for me!
Let’s not forget a good life, a happy life, is not about what we get but what we give. Acts 20:35. So live your life with a mindset of abundance. You do that by giving. Give kindness, love, mercy, and grace. Give these things to yourself and those around you.
Chronic illness does not have to take everything away. You still get to determine the kind of life you will have. You are still in control. You still have purpose. Even if the plan has changed our purpose does not have too. Don’t believe anything else.
I am happy at home!